I need feedback on my sales pitches- Would you respond to this? Why or why not?
If you are looking for website copy that SINGS and SELLS , then you have definitely stumbled upon the right marketing consultant. I am the owner of Beautiful Planning Marketing Group and would love to be the person to write this dynamic sales copy with the goal of creating a sound online presence for you and your business. I have worked hand in hand with companies such as NBC Universal for their NBC Studio Tours & Rockefeller Center Tours, Microsoft, & BuyBeauty.com. Companies large and small, local and international have obtained my services all with rave reviews. If sales, conversions and inquiries is what you are seeking, once I have completed your project,that is exactly what you will receive. I have the ability to write amazing and detailed web copy, short ads, long sales letters and much more. I have even worked with dating sites to improve online traffic with a few enticing ads to get readers revved up and ready to pay for a meaningful and love questing membership.
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Filed under: Single Dating Services
Sounds condescending and full of oneself. Good to sell your best assets, not so good to overload text with a hoity toity "Look at me!" complex.
Determine up to five of your best selling points and work from there. You don’t need to ramble or put in a bunch of senseless nothing for filler. You’re off to a good start, but you need to tone down and edit.
It is a little over the top. I would try to calm it down a little, maybe use fewer examples, and try to tone down the language. Also, watch your comma placement and the use of ampersands.
Quite wordy and rambling. Depends on who you’re trying to sell your talents to though. You have to customize it for each different type of business.
I’d cut it down to the core…get a couple of key points that you want to say no matter what business it is.
Then for a ‘dating site’ add in the language for that. It would help to have some concrete statistics, such as traffic increased or percentage of people that bought the service compared to previous.
Same thing goes for a more business-like customer. You can still use powerful adjectives, but saying you worked ‘hand in hand’ is kind of nebulous and vague…you could have been the mail clerk for all that says. Get more concrete, what did you do? Action, Impact, Result…think AIR. Results often speak for themselves…just saying you have the ability to write ‘amazing copy’ doesn’t really mean much…at least in my opinion. Showing me that you can do that with sales figures or with examples is much more powerful. I’d have the figures in the sales pitch, with examples in-hand to show in case they ask.
I am going to edit your copy as it is (it’s not perfect but am looking at it from a buyer’s perspective). It is a strong piece but there are a bit of errors and this is unacceptable for somebody selling website copy and ads.
If you are looking for a website copy that SINGS and SELLS, then you have definitely stumbled upon the right marketing consultant (person looks better). I am the owner of a Beautiful Planning Marketing Group and would love (am eager) to be the person to write this dynamic sales copy with the goal of creating a sound online presence for you and your business. I have worked hand in hand with companies such as NBC Universal for their NBC Studio Tours & Rockefeller Center Tours, Microsoft, & BuyBeauty.com. Companies large and small, local and international have obtained my services all with rave reviews (this looks like pushing it a bit too much). If sales, conversions and inquiries is what you are seeking, (then) that is exactly what you will receive once I have completed your project,. I have the ability to write amazing and detailed web copy, short ads, long sales letters and much more. I have even (also) worked with dating sites to improve online traffic with a few ( should be taken out)enticing ads to get readers revved up and ready to pay for a meaningful and love questing membership.
I think it’s good…
Made me look up BuyBeauty.com
Hope things work out for you!