Only answer if you are in your 40's: Friend comes over primarily to bum our internet service….what to do?
I have a friend who is depressed and lonely and has lost her internet service for getting in arrears upwards of 0.
She refuses to talk about what to do about her bill, even gets angry if we bring it up.
Since she cannot fathom paying the bill, she has been getting by with bumming internet service from some friends, including us.
This has been going on for the past 3 yrs…She had been internet bumming from us for well over 9 months and I was tired of feeling like I being used for my internet service so from Jan 2007-Feb 2008 I stopped contact with her.
I even said something about it when I missed her and made contact again…after so much time you like to think your friends get their sheete together…and she seemed to realize it was kind of a bad thing but now it’s like the memo got lost and we’re back where we were before and I’m thinking of dropping her again, even looking for somewhere else to get my hair done!
It seems like her other friends have left her in a lurch (somehow!) so she’s relying heavily on us again. The library won’t let her get on the BBW dating site she’s on (one of her favorite things to do, as well as getting on ebay) plus they close up at 8:30, which is too near to when she gets off work.
Frequently these internet bumming sessions go to 11 PM or later.
What to do? How on earth can we deal with this? My other half says ‘no biggie’ but it really does bother me and my opinion is just as valid.
Please do not answer if you are a Millennial (ie under 35).
I really just didn’t want any of the smart-ass millenials answering. They simply have not been around the block enough and because of their lifelong internet anonymity are more aggressive and mean spirited than people that have lived and functioned in the real world.
No, Schmoke- that wasn’t mean spririted! You guys are great. Giving me some much needed bravery on this.
Keep up the tips! It really is helping to see other’s opinions.
And no worries about viruses…we’re on a Mac and contrary to some people’s beliefs, there really aren’t too many Mac viruses out there. The system is built much differently, more solid, than a PC.
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Tags: 9 months, arrears, bbw, biggie, bravery, bum, dating site, earth, ebay, favorite things, I 98, internet anonymity, Internet Service, lurch, no worries, real world, sessions, smart ass, Viruses
1. Don’t hang out with her, she’s just using you.
2. If she is doing this at your house, just hand her the electric bill and tell her how much she owes for all the electricity she is using.
age discrimination ? gee…..its easy speak up and TELL her , you dont appreciate being used for your internet connection……..doesnt take a someone in their 30’s or 40’s or teens or 80’s to speak common sense……………..
If she is using your internet that much maybe you should send her a bill for her half. Sounds like she is quite the bum. I would also tell her I love her as a friend but it’s crazy & she needs to pay her bills you do.
no biggie my foot, let her pay her bill an use her on internet service,the older u get the easier to say no, NO
Well … I’m in my upper 30’s, I hope I’m old enough
I had a situation like this with a neighbor … it wasn’t internet, but it was everything else. I would have thought it was fine, but then she didn’t seem to want to socialize with me, so one day I just quit answering the door when she knocked.
But we weren’t friends … that situation is a bit different.
What you need to do is sit down and talk to her, and tell her how she’s making you feel. I would recommend that you tell her that you’d rather not share your internet anymore for now, and then see how she reacts. If she disappears and you don’t hear from her anymore, then she really wasn’t a friend anyway.
I think you need to set some boundaries. Before you can do that, though, I think you need to decide what your friend’s friendship means to you. If you wish to retain her friendship, then you will probably have to allow her to continue using your internet. If you decide that that is the case, then I would have a talk with her outlining the new rules and enforce them. I would include in the rules:
1. The cut-off time. Staying in your house until 11pm or later is an intrusion on your personal life. She needs to work within your comfort-level for a schedule. If you want her out by 9pm, you need to tell her so, and enforce it. If she works late, maybe she could come over in the mornings before work instead?
2. Social time with you. Does she come over for the sole purpose of using your internet, or does she actually visit with you as well? You could request that she come over sometimes and NOT use the internet – that might help you to feel less used and abused.
3. It is good that your other half doesn’t mind, but in regards to the rules you need to present a united front. If one of you "lays down the law" and the other one bends, that won’t do anyone any good, and it may cause a rift in your romantic life… so get together with your SO first to determine the rules and agree to enforce them.
If you determine that you would rather not be friends with this person, then a clean break is the best solution. I would suggest letting her know firmly but gently how you feel, and couch it in that "I feel" language. "I feel that you are only friends with me for my internet, and I feel like our relationship can’t continue this way." or "I feel that you are intruding on my family’s personal life by staying here so late, and it needs to stop." Something along those lines. I hope this helps!
she is going to sites that might be letting bugs, viruses, tracking codes,etc. on to your private Information that is store in your computer…
do a complete scan of everything…computer DR asap….
a quick check of a persons e-mail for 15 min is ok as a favor….once a week…
anything over that is the same as trying to borrow my underwear…
not going to happen..
there is a timer program that you can install that will shut down your computer after say 15 min and only you can restart it with your code…
or disassemble the whole computer to clean it…..
unplug the monitor…oh darn it broke….
turn off the breaker to that power source so the computer is dead…
Well, I am not quite 40 but I have elected myself close enough to answer your question. I am older than the Millenials.
I would have put a stop to that long ago. It would be one thing if she used your service once in a while for necessities while getting hers reinstated, but she is outright using you. She doesn’t have to get her bill resolved and reinstate her own service because she has you to sponge off of. And being at someone’s home on their computer that late is unacceptable. I don’t care what your schedule is. I get home from work at midnight and am still wide awake, and the last thing I want to see is someone in my house banging away on my computer on their BBW site.
You don’t have to drop her as a friend if you don’t want to, but you have to kick her off your internet. Tell her she can’t use it, don’t let her come over, unplug the computer and hide the cord when she’s there, whatever it takes.
Was that mean-spirited? Sorry.